Sometimes a pang in the heart as if I’ll never fix things, that all around escapes my fingers and I cannot grasp a single thing. That I have been living in a particular kind of illusion, a vision hidden by hallucination, though I think I know: what’s happened that I have seen have their own verisimilitude, some semblance of the real. I know I’ve been thinking about something I told Phil he could have, a story idea about a different kind of War in Heaven than I had gone through, about how the gods warred against one another in some time of perhaps pre-history? In an “as above, so below” which peeks through in the very beginning of the invention of writing. Ending with the sole God, “I AM”.
And then I look back, and really, nobody could have seen what I have seen, done what I’ve done. Though I may be tested, yea, even as I ground some things in my visions to have some record outside myself that these things of mine, my vision where I faced off with the Dragon and his angels, showing them how they lost, and the consequences. Heh. Ended up that Lucifer was a mass of disgusting creatures who were once angels, now where he had farmed out various processes of thought, logics of physical moving. I mean, he stopped doing anything resembling his original creature. What was left was, “Dear God what is that thing?”
Like that scene from the Last Advocate where Satan had to be pushed to the side for the Advocate to engage instead to the Beast, Satan’s Son. For the Devil could not discern how meaning worked anymore.
And now I’ve said too much once more, or…?